I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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