Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
