do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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