ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
