So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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