Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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