the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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