Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
