Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
