In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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