You were right. It hurts to walk today.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
