You're my little dorito
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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