girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
