My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
