exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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