don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We have so much sex to catch up on
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
