I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
