I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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