I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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