after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
