If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
