A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
