Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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