Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize