well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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