I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
