i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
