i jhust puked up my retainher.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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