I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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