Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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