I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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