just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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