you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
