i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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