Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
