I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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