It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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