His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
