Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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