Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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