Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
