I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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