There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
40s are totally the cure
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
