His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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