I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
