4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm lost and stupid without you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I would ride that face into the sunset
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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