they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
