In the future we'll all be gay
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
