# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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