Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
