I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
