Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
