I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
