I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
