This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
