Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
