Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
