Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
