He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
