i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
