Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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