So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
