Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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