i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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