Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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