Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
