Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
