Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
