I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
