and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
