So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
