Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
