I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
