We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
